tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-276683242024-03-06T03:55:48.549+07:00Kandang Mikochina place where i'll always be a little girl.Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-1635356124572032052023-04-22T00:21:00.002+07:002023-04-22T00:25:09.100+07:00Agony<p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I know this is unhealthy; the looming anxiety over imagining the way they would disappoint you again, like they did the last few times.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Even your happy moments didn’t last very long, because you became very sensitive over all the past mistakes that one little thing could easily make you upset and very very bitter.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But you don’t like anyone else—you <i>can't</i> like anyone else because you’re cursed, and you genuinely believe they’re tailor-made for you since no one ever made you feel all the things the same way they did. And you see a bit of yourself in them, thinking you can fix them the same way you’re trying to fix yourself, purposely blind to the fact that it’s not working, not even at all.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In the end, you’re just wallowing in self-pity. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Was it ever even love? Or has it always been an obsession over someone you projected to be some ideal figure you created in your own mind?</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">You can hear the clock strikes twelve. A loud reminder that you only have a few more hours to prepare for the disappointment you set up for yourself, again.</span> </p>Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-28766023915815697782023-02-14T23:02:00.000+07:002023-02-14T23:02:02.915+07:00The Scary Things<p style="text-align: justify;">I'm tired of pretending I'm not scared.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">All this time, I've convinced myself that the choices I've taken were based on my sense of self-preservation; that they were all the wise things to do to protect myself from getting myself hurt.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">They're not. What I've done was just running away. Because I thought if I didn't see it then I wouldn't have to face it, that it wasn't even real. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I hate that I always put a limiter to myself, thinking I would never be able to this thing or that thing just because my stupid brain decides to imagine the worst case scenario ever happening. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>It was pretty scary, but maybe I could've handled it. </i></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I hate that the thoughts only came when the moments passed, not at the time where I was supposed to make the decision.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I hate that I always shut down every opportunity that comes my way because I think I am not good enough. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I hate that I <i>know</i> that I'm not good enough, but I should've also known that I could always try to change that.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Maybe I could be better. Maybe if I put my mind to it, I could also do it.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Maybe I actually want those things that I pretend I don't care about.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">But I'm scared, I'm still scared. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">***</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>written after a mini panic attack. my hands are still shaking a little, but i think i calmed down a lot, thanks to writing all this down. </i></p>Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-17152871136748255362020-08-08T14:06:00.001+07:002020-08-08T14:13:26.768+07:00Under The Starlight<div class="p1" style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">As long as I can remember, I have always been into something. Be it things, a genre, a certain<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>show, or a celebrity, when I found something that I liked, I would completely engross myself into the things and be knee deep in no time.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">One time, it was horror mystery stories. I was as young as nothing more than 9 years old when I started to write numerous short stories on the unused pages at the back of my old school books. I would be meeting with my cousin at my grandma’s house, and we would exchange our stories and then talk about how we should compile them to make an anthology. We then bought a special book to write our stories there and we even decorated the cover. It was fun; both back then, and when I think about it again now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">A bit older, I was into this anime show. I loved it so much, I started to use the internet to find out more. I was only a mere middle school student, and there was a time when the phone bill went a bit higher than usual because I had too much fun with surfing the net. Maybe I was addicted to being online? It was something new, it was surreal, so it was definitely fun for me. And it was around that time when I started to create this blog, so hey, good job middle school me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">There were many more things since then. A celebrity I kept writing in my diaries, the joint project of making a manga (and yes, I was the one who did the drawing, despite not having even ten percent of the skill required), and the obsession of writing novels! I still remember my poor friends getting shoved of either my printed or handwritten writings, and me looking at them with glimmering eyes, feeling just so happy to see that my works had been read.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">And then, there came the fandom culture. It’s basically just everything I’ve been doing; liking, obsessing, and almost literally revolving myself entire this one particular thing, but it’s more organized. There would be other people—it’s a community. I decided I wanted to get in on that.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">There have been many fandoms that I have—sort of—joined, but the fandom I spent the last five years in was the most memorable. In fact, it’s not even 24 hours since I decided I’d rather left, so it’s not a lie if I say that I still look at them with utmost affection and lingering feelings.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">Actually, I’ve been feeling so weird. It‘s just as if I’m peeling away a bandage to find out that the scabs have been completely healed over—only the ghost of prickly feelings where the wound was once there, remains.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">I feel like I should’ve felt more hurt, but I guess the spell had been broken for a while ago, and I was just staying there for the sake of loyalty... and the fact that I was so afraid to lose my identity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">I have always been a fangirl, alright? And for the last five years, I have always been at that same place; making memories, experiencing happiness, pouring my heart out, and feeling love. If I am to begone, then what will be left of me? Where do I go to? Starting from now, how should I feel?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">A little whisper inside my head tells me, <i>then don’t go</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">But what if the purpose of staying, when the magic is no longer there anymore?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">My friend—a lovely fellow fangirl who’s lucky enough to still have the magic on her side—went and asked me, “So, are we off to find husbands, now?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">(There’s this cliché thing people can say when they’re heartbroken, <i>‘there’s a hole in my chest where my heart was supposed to be’</i> or something like that.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">So I laughed, and since it would be too silly and embarrassing to actually say it out loud, I just went, “That would be too hard. I guess I’d rather look for money.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">And I sincerely hope that answers enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-59962842666668384692019-12-31T22:42:00.000+07:002019-12-31T22:42:50.933+07:00I Am Capable of Feelings—I Just Don’t Show ItHello!<br />
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The year is about to end, and this is my first and last post on this blog for the year 2019. </div>
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Well, who would even be surprised anymore.</div>
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I have done many things this year; some I would be proud of, some I would never admit even on my deathbed. I have made some big decisions. I have discovered myself. I have matured—I guess. I have learned, maybe not much, but I think I have become a little bit smarter than I was last year. Oh, also I have realized how dumb I was and I really need to study more to keep up with everyone and everything.</div>
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About the title about this post. Yes, feelings. It’s because ago someone asked me, “How to live like you? You look so carefree, like you never have a problem any day in your life.”</div>
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When I heard this, I was baffled. I tried to answer jokingly, trying to play off my crazy fangirl persona. They bought it. That’s what people expected of an easy-going, carefree person would react with that kind of question.</div>
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However, do I really look like I never have a problem? I mean, that must be partly compliment because I carry on positive vibes in my daily life? I guess?</div>
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To be completely honest, I think I might be depressed. I had a lot of mental breakdown this year. Since last year, actually. But no one really knows that. Why? Because I don’t talk about it.</div>
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Because I’m not comfortable admitting that I, too, have feelings like everybody else.</div>
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I’m too used to pretend that I’m okay. Too used to repress my feeling, to have the upper hand of appearing strong. Too used to hold my tears in public—I can hardly shed tears even on my own now, too. I have so much pride that I thought showing my feelings would lessen it. But at what cost?</div>
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That’s why I love blogging. I have no problem writing this down, whereas I would’ve bury myself alive if I ever talk like this to anyone else. But writing’s always fine. It’s comforting. It makes me feel like I’ve done something.</div>
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Before the year ends, I want to make a promise with myself. Being unable to show feelings is very useful for certain situations, but it will hurt me and people around me in the long process. I need to get it together. For once, stop lying about emotions.</div>
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And for the commemoration of me embracing my feelings, I just want to say: I love Lee Hongbin with all my heart it’s taking over everything else.</div>
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Thank you. Happy new year!</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-75689594753097570672018-12-31T21:17:00.003+07:002018-12-31T21:17:51.951+07:00New Year's Eve<div style="text-align: justify;">
Here in my room, with a cup of Family Mart's green tea latte and two balls of onigiri, I guess I'm ready to write the first and last post in 2018 on this blog. This is more of a moral obligation than anything, really, because I can't let a year passed without writing anything and make the drop down list on the Archives sidebar skipped 2018. Well, it's okay to be a little bit meticulous, right? </div>
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What did I do in 2018? Quite a lot, actually. Let me make a list, because how long had been since I last made a list on this blog? What a nostalgia.</div>
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<i><b>Things I Did in 2018 That I Didn't Mind to Share</b></i>—<i><b>and Probably Wanted to Sort of Brag</b></i></div>
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1. I went to my first Japan winter trip. 'First' because who knows if I'll be back later, you know? But most likely <i>not</i> in winter because as someone who spent her whole life not only in a tropical country but also right at the Equator line, cold is really not my forte. I mean, sure, snowflakes are pretty and it's nice to not sweat after walking kilometres, but autumn's my limit. Winter is best spent at home under a blanket and a cup of ocha and not walking around town and risking getting a frostbite.</div>
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2. I met 2 out of 6 of my favourite boys! Yeah, you know, VIXX. Might want to look up about them later, wouldn't you? Or not. Totally up to your choice. But you know, you would never regret it. Okay? Okay. So, I met them while in Japan, in Osaka to be exact. It was a handshake event and I got to shake their pretty hands three times—thanks to my dear friends that because of them I got to buy three albums and get three handshakes event ticket. It was great. I was literally walking alone, in a rather harsh winter, looking for the event's venue in a foreign country that I didn't speak the language of. That experience is almost as memorable as meeting the boys, really.</div>
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3. I graduated! Finally! After all the blood, sweat, and tears, I have finally graduated. Do I feel satisfied with my grades or my thesis? No. But at least it's finally over. Okay now I should stop talking about college because it's giving me PTSD.</div>
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4. I start working for the Headquarters. It was not my preference because at first I'd rather work in the convenience of my hometown, but now that I actually experience it, it isn't even that bad. The work I do here is more... challenging, I guess? And it's not monotonous. It also gives me chance to learn a lot and even let me expand my network. It is way out of my comfort zone, but I feel like I'm fine with it—I enjoy it, even. Maybe because I'm starting to feel comfortable in this big city and all of it's perks? Most of my friends are here, too. And I do love the feeling of living alone while trying to make it by myself. Oh, and probably I should mention this sooner: the job pays better. So... yeah.</div>
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5. I am embracing the lone girl aesthetic to the fullest, and I love it. I start to genuinely enjoy going anywhere alone. I feel accomplished, somehow, when I finished doing things by myself. I used to only have the gut to eat alone in public place at lunch, but now, dinner is fine, too. If I want to eat something, I just can go, with companion or not. It's not like I can not afford it. Ah, to be young and financially stable, very liberating, indeed.</div>
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Hmm, maybe that's all? Truth to be told, I just want to spend some time while waiting my boys (say it with me? It's VIXX) to perform on Korean broadcast year end's stage. It's probably still half an hour later, but well, this has been nice. The feeling of having written something is always nice, I wonder why I don't do it often? Right, because I'm lazy. The root of all problems in my life. </div>
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My wish for 2019? I don't know. I just want to live a fulfilled, happy life, doing my best while being surrounded by people I love, VIXX included. </div>
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I hope 2019 will be a good year for us all. Happy New Year!</div>
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Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-35246567780473057852017-03-28T02:22:00.000+07:002017-03-28T02:22:02.357+07:00In The Years to Come<div style="text-align: justify;">
Hey-ho!</div>
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A semester has passed and I haven't written anything, presumably on purpose. I planned on keeping it that way; just let the blog covered by imaginary cobwebs for being abandoned too long, because I just didn't bother enough to write any thing any more. That, until a friend of mine, who unexpectedly also a frequent(?) reader of this blog, asked me out of the blue. </div>
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"Are you seriously <i>that </i>busy so you can't even update your blog?"</div>
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It was surprising because: 1) I didn't even know he read my blog; 2) There are people out there who actually care about my nonsensical writing on this outdated platform???</div>
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Recovering from my initial shock, here I am; a few weeks late to the question, but still going to answer nonetheless.</div>
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So, no, I wasn't that busy. </div>
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I said I would study hard on my previous Survival Report post but no, I didn't even try hard enough. It showed in the results, though. But I'm done comparing myself to other people just for the sake of it. Like...yes, I'm still finishing a Bachelor degree, not Master degree. It's true, my best friends are married and giving birth while I'm still proudly single. No, I don't own a brand new car or fancy housing yet. </div>
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But it's okay. I'm getting older by the day, but even that is fine, too. </div>
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There are so many other things in life that I could be proud of. My hobby gets me to be friends with amazing people. I also learn a bit of a new language. College life is stressful but quite fun, and once another friend said, "... but at the very least I could meet many interesting people. I met you."</div>
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Sure, in the years to come, I would love to get a Master degree too. I want to get married to someone who is nice and can appreciate long handwritten letters (because he understands how bad I am with expressing feelings verbally). And by then, owning a car and a nice house would be possible--we might even have a small yard where our five cats can freely roam around.</div>
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My life just goes on a bit slower pace than others. But maybe, just maybe, when it is going slower, I can pay more attention to everything around me and enjoy them with full delight.</div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">P.S. Pardon the babbling above because it's already 2 AM and I'm probably a bit drunk of MSG or something because I swear I don't usually sound this sappy and/or cringey. </span></i></div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-52429267723992844472016-09-18T00:29:00.000+07:002016-09-18T06:38:34.812+07:00The First<div style="text-align: justify;">
I still remember every little thing about our first meeting. (Although I'm pretty sure it's technically not our first time seeing each other, considering we might have ran into one another in the park or cafetaria like we did many times later. But it's the first time my subsconscious acknowledged your existence and we first introduced ourselves, so yeah, I think that counts enough.) I remember the place, the time, the clothes you're wearing and mine, the ambience, and I swear I can somehow still recognize the smell: a little tangy and sweet of wet leaves. I remember your eyes seemed to reflect the street lights; bright and sunny as was your smile.</div>
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Maybe I have been liking you since then.</div>
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(I didn't know, of course, not until years later, and I still don't know if that was stupid of me, or it was just right.)</div>
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I also remember our first fight. I don't remember what and who started it, but it's still fresh in my mind that I was so confused and scared because we didn't talk and see each other for a whole week. I realized the fight upset me more than the reason why we even started the fight, so I apologized. It wasn't easy because my pride was everything and you did mock me for giving in first, but we're suddenly fine again and that's the most important thing.</div>
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Our first time introducing our significant others was awkward. I was the one who suggested a double date, because it sounded so much like a good idea back in my mind but I regretted it as soon as I said it out loud. To think about it, it's partly your fault for agreeing and not realizing how stupid it was. But maybe it was necessary. Thanks to the disastrous double date, I had came to a realization that I was much more comfortable with you than with my own man. I was wondering why, but I didn't want to know the answer just yet.</div>
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When the answer did come, it was like a sudden wave, and I was terrified. Of you, mostly, because there was a very good chance you would hate me once you found out. (You wouldn't, because the answer had already came to you too, but earlier, and I was the one who was dumb for longer.) </div>
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You didn't find out. Still don't. Wouldn't even do.</div>
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I still remember our last meeting. The place, the time, the clothes you're wearing and mine, the ambience. It smelled like coffee shop and pattiserie and again, you were wearing that sunshine of a smile and I was too blinded to second guess anything. You said you'd come back tomorrow. I never thought that after everything, you would lie.</div>
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(But I have read the letter you left me. If only you sent it sooner. We might have been truly happy for once.)</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-30868616435760906162016-09-10T14:39:00.000+07:002016-09-10T14:39:16.657+07:00Catching Up<div style="text-align: justify;">
Hello!</div>
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It's almost one full year since the last time I wrote here. I wish I could find a proper excuse for such long inactivity, but I don't, so I won't talk about that. After all, it's no longer a secret that I am lazy.</div>
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Many things have changed from last year. For one, I no longer worked in the office I've been working for the past two years and four months. And no, I didn't get fired: I am going back to school!</div>
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It's honestly a little hard to believe. I was skeptical, and honestly, I still am. Even my friend questioned my eligibility and said directly to my face, "How did you, of all people?" (He's joking, but I did cuss at him for that anyway.)</div>
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Another friend asked me once, "I didn't know you're the type to continue your study. I thought you'd like working more." (Oh, if only you knew the kind of condition I worked in.)</div>
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Or something with more obvious sinister, sadly from quite a number of people, "Why do you even bother? You're a woman, working close to home. What more are you searching for? Give chance to your peers who are still far away from their hometowns." (The amount of ignorance in this had me literally shaking my head in disgust.)</div>
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But, here I am. Well, not exactly "here" because I'm currently at home enjoying a short holiday, but the fact that I made it to be back in college. And honestly, I am a bit scared.</div>
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Remember a few years ago I made a long rant about me not getting accepted to the only college I wanted to get into? And how I suddenly ended up in my current almamater. Which I didn't feel very fond of, because I was young and full of myself, and also because I didn't know better. </div>
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This time, it's different. I wanted to get accepted, me, with my own conscious decision. I chose to be way out of my comfort zone. Living alone, supporting myself, a small town girl in a big city that contains big dreams. Although, I do admit a struggle. I'm not a very bright person, and I happen to be surrounded by the brightest people I ever met, so now I'm falling behind. I need the extra efforts to be equal, but as the lazy person that I am, it will be a hard task to do. I need to motivate myself more. And that's why I'm here now, haha.</div>
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So, yeah. I'm glad to be back, but it ain't no vacation. I have to put in actual effort and strive. It's not like I feel the need to prove them that I deserve my place here, but I believe it would be nice if I do.</div>
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.... Okay. This seems too mellow. I need to talk about something else more uplifting like, well, my best friends are here too! I even got into the same class as one of them, which I was angry about, but now I'm learning to accept and be grateful about it. Because to think about it, he lives far from campus so if we didn't get into the same class we probably wouldn't get to meet each other that much.</div>
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My other best friend stays in the same dorm as I do, but soon she will be moving out. I wanted to move out too! But she chooses to move to Bintaro, a good 45-minutes away from campus, and I don't think I'm ready for such commitment especially if I get 3 days of morning classes a week. But I don't know, since my two best friends are going to live there I will probably change my mind. I'm easy to give in if people persuade me enough.</div>
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There are so many things I want to talk about, to fill in the past year that I didn't write in here. Like how I fell to new guys (all six of them!) and how I was willing to take a leave from work to meet them in Singapore. I went to South Korea too, when it was autumn and beautiful falling leaves were everywhere, and that's when I realized I fell in love with the aforementioned guys and the country they're living in. I also raised a new cat (technically, my mom raised him), an all black cat named Justin Bieber, who later I realized was actually a fill-in of me and my brother who went leaving for college and thus left my parents alone in our home.</div>
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I might be coming back to tell more of those stories, or bringing even more stories, but if I were not, let's just assume I was studying really hard. (Probably not, but a girl can hope.)</div>
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See you later, I hope we all can be better.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-82467963387177603592015-10-20T23:40:00.001+07:002015-10-20T23:46:37.129+07:00Momentum<p dir="ltr">Tahu-tahu, sore berubah menjadi senja. Merah jingga yang sebentar. Lalu petang datang.</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Sana sholat Maghrib dulu."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Iya. Di sana...?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Masih terang benderang. Teleponnya ditutup dulu aja, nanti baterenya habis."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Hu um. Nanti kutelpon lagi ya."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Siap."</p>
<p dir="ltr">***</p>
<p dir="ltr">Pukul satu dini hari. Ribut burung hantu dan sesekali tiupan angin pada rerimbun semak di belakang rumah menimbulkan siul-siul panjang. Merdu, sekaligus mencekam.</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Belum tidur?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Acara di TV lagi bagus, tanggung ah."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Memangnya ngerti mereka ngomong apa?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Sedikit. Kalau ada yang lucu aku udah bisa ikut ketawa."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Ih kirain. Kan bisa bantu-bantu jadi tukang terjemahin drama."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Kamu sempat nonton drama?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Ya iyalah. Nggak ada hiburan lain."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"...."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Hoaam. Udah ah, ngantuk. Besok jaga pagi."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Maaf, ya."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Hm?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Memang harusnya aku nggak usah ambil beasiswanya."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"...."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"...."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Dah."</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Eh--"</p>
<p dir="ltr">Satu kali sentuh dan sambungan terputus. Suara siul panjang kembali datang. Waktunya menarik selimut dan terlelap.</p>
<p dir="ltr">***</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Perang?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">Keringat dingin. Ritme detak jantung semakin cepat. Bernapas pelan-pelan, satu-dua-hembus.</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Rudal balistik ke pusat kota. Korbannya..."</p>
<p dir="ltr">Tidak tahu. Tidak mau tahu. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Langit mendung kelabu. Angin kencang. Sudah satu jam tapi masih belum turun hujan.</p>
<p dir="ltr">***</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Halo?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">Hening.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Jas putih terlipat rapi di atas koper. Di atas paspor. Di atas visa dan tiket pesawat dan bukti reservasi hotel.</p>
<p dir="ltr">"Aku memutuskan berhenti dulu. Lanjutnya tunggu kamu lulus dua tahun lagi saja. Sendirian nggak enak."</p>
<p dir="ltr">Malam ini tidak ada dekut burung apapun. Tidak pula siulan malam, atau sekadar gemerisik semak. </p>
<p dir="ltr">"Sudah telat, ya?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">Semua stasiun televisi menayangkan berita yang sama: peluru kendali dari Korea Utara menyerang Korea Selatan. Korban tewas 184 orang. Satu orang warga negara Indonesia. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Kau tentu tahu siapa.</p>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-84650912269048009692015-09-14T17:14:00.001+07:002015-09-14T17:14:24.021+07:00Dunia Alisa<p dir="ltr">Apa sih susahnya tersenyum?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Galih menatap punggung Alisa yang begitu saja melewatinya tanpa basa-basi. Jangankan tersenyum, bahkan untuk menatap matanya saja gadis itu tidak mau. Rasa-rasanya baru kemarin Galih berhasil membuat Alisa tertawa, tetapi hari ini sikapnya kembali seperti biasa. Dingin dan tak peduli. Ia berjalan sendirian melewati kerumunan di lorong dengan kepala tegak dan tatapan lurus ke depan. Seolah Galih dan seisi kampus hanya pemeran figuran tanpa raut muka di film bisu ciptaannya, dengan Alisa sendiri sebagai pemeran utama.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Sudahlah, batinnya. Kalau gadis itu saja tak peduli, mengapa Galih harus? </p>
<p dir="ltr">Ia menghela napas. Sayang sekali. Padahal setelah dua setengah jam percakapan panjang tentang segala hal bersama Alisa kemarin siang saat terjebak hujan, ia terlanjur terpesona. Gadis yang tampak tak tersentuh itu ternyata seorang teman berbicara luar biasa, bahkan tanpa secangkir kopi dan sebatang rokok atau dua untuk doping seperti standar percakapan rutin dengan teman-teman sepahamnya. Seandainya tidak mengalaminya sendiri, Galih hampir tidak percaya dari dua setengah jam itu, ia tidak sedetikpun merasa bosan. Ia berbicara dan mendengarkan sama antusiasnya. Bonus menatap wajah Alisa yang semakin dilihat semakin manis saja. Tahu-tahu, Galih ingin mengenalnya lebih jauh. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Maka saat hujan mereda dan percakapan terpaksa dijeda, Galih-lah yang paling kecewa. Satu-satunya penghiburan yang ia dapat adalah kenyataan bahwa esok hari ia masih bisa bertemu Alisa lagi.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Tetapi hari ini Galih baru sadar; percakapan di hari hujan itu hanya ketidaksengajaan yang eksepsional. Langit cerah sekarang. Dan Alisa tidak sedang berbagi dunia.</p>
<p dir="ltr">***</p>
<p dir="ltr">Dari jarak jauh, diantara kerumunan mahasiswa, bahkan hanya dengan bagian punggung yang menghadap kearahnya, Alisa masih bisa mengenali Galih. Mungkin karena tinggi badannya yang tidak normal. Atau rambutnya yang terkadang berantakan. Atau tas punggungnya yang lusuh, tapi masih tampak mahal. Tetapi mungkin lebih karena Galih punya semacam aura yang Alisa sudah hapal sejak hari pertama berkenalan.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Galih adalah lelaki tipikal. Tinggi dan percaya diri, punya lingkup pertemanan luas, dan beraroma asap tembakau. Awalnya, Alisa berpikir begitu.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Tetapi siapa sangka ia dan Galih bisa mendiskusikan banyak hal. Berawal dari aroma hujan yang menghambur hingga entah bagaimana sampai pada politik kampus berujung ke sejarah Republik Indonesia. Terdengar gila, tetapi untuk seseorang yang awalnya takut terjangkiti Tubercolosis oleh Galih, mengapa Alisa seolah membukakan pintu masuk ke dunianya?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Mungkin, ia hanya terkejut ketika Galih dengan sopan menyapanya saat berteduh dari hujan hari itu. Galih yang berusaha memulai percakapan, namun bersiap-siap berhenti apabila ia terlihat tak nyaman. Galih yang dengan tenang mendengarkan pendapatnya, meskipun dari matanya Alisa bisa melihat bahwa isinya kepalanya sudah dipenuhi bantahan-bantahan. Galih yang jago melucu tapi tidak kasar. Galih yang.... ah! Alisa bingung, karena mendadak, jantungnya berdebar lebih kencang. Lalu seperti orang bodoh, matanya tergesa mencari di tengah kerumunan. Sosok tinggi berambut berantakan itu masih ada.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Baiklah, batinnya. Mungkin Alisa hanya perlu menyapanya sekali, dan percakapan seperti kemarin akan terulang kembali.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Semoga ia tidak terlalu grogi hingga kehilangan kepercayaan diri.</p>
<p dir="ltr">***</p>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-31675946061583495592015-03-28T23:16:00.001+07:002015-07-03T15:10:01.114+07:00Unlucky<div style="text-align: justify;">
I was sick for a week. Chicken pox. In the age of twenty-three. In the middle of intensive training in which I need at least 80% attendance and have exam every Monday. And all of this happened when I was still in the Capital, living faraway from my family.</div>
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I guess I couldn't thank my lucky stars for that.</div>
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When I discovered I have red rash all over my body after having fever for two days straight, I started to freak out. It was Friday. I already had the plan to hang out: sort of small reunion with my college friends. My best friend from Yogyakarta also happened to have a training in the Capital too, so we decided to meet up and hang like we used to do back in the days. Then I went to doctor, hoping it wasn't as bad as I thought. But the young, handsome doctor told me with his charming smile that it was indeed a chicken pox. I should have a rest for two or three days, he said. But I said I didn't have that much of a time, that there's this exam I had to face in Monday and those class I couldn't just skip. So the doctor told me it was okay to still come to class but I had to wear mask. Honestly, I was relieved. At least I wouldn't have to redo my training next year because I clearly failed if I didn't attend the exam.</div>
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But the hang out plan was definitely off the table. My friend visited me instead, despite getting lost in the process of finding where I live. We chatted, a lot. It still wasn't enough, but I really appreciated the effort and felt kinda touched. Later that day I started to worry about my exam. I wasn't exactly a bright student in the first place, and the sickness made it worse. My head hurt and I lost my appetite and it took a really great effort to concentrate on the subject. </div>
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Monday. I wore the mask and looked like triple times the freak I've always been. People stared. I did some explaining. I did the exam, finished while in the verge of crying. I attended the class, some guys still thought I had flu until day three. I couldn't concentrate on classes, rash felt itchy. I had to gulp the medicine 5 times a day, but I did only eat 4 at best. The rest of the week came slowly. Less socializing, more cringing (at my face full of rash).</div>
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I'm healthy now, and to think back, it wasn't that bad, anyways. I wasn't <i>that</i> unlucky. </div>
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I didn't have to skip any class or exam. I didn't faint at morning ceremonies. I did never arrive late to campus. I still got that small reunion, but maybe not in the way I intended it to be. I realized I have great friends surrounding me.</div>
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So, there's that. Well, maybe I'll have scars in my face, but maybe I won't. </div>
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I still think I have a great time here<strike><span style="font-size: x-small;">, I kinda wish I wouldn't have to go back to work</span></strike>.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-1264500145237958412014-12-26T22:35:00.000+07:002015-07-03T15:14:51.814+07:00Dua Puluh Tiga dan Selanjutnya<div style="text-align: justify;">
Jika memang harus dikelompokkan, mungkin saya akan masuk dalam kategori seorang pesimis. Lebih sering daripada tidak, saya membayangkan hal-hal yang akan terjadi masa mendatang dalam kondisi terburuknya. Sebagian karena memang saya tidak memiliki kemampuan dalam membuat rencana; kebanyakan 'rencana' yang saya buat punya terlalu banyak lubang sehingga tanpa perlu menjadi seorang pesimis pun saya akan tahu hal tersebut tak mungkin berjalan mulus. Sebagian lagi karena dalam dua puluh tahun lebih hidup saya di dunia, rasanya tidak pernah sekalipun hal baik yang saya bayangkan terjadi tepat seperti kenyataan. Dan dengan bijaknya saya menyimpulkan bahwa lebih baik mempersiapkan diri untuk seburuk-buruknya keadaan daripada harus ditampar kenyataan ketika hal-hal baik di angan hanya berujung kekecewaan.</div>
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Sisi baiknya, saya adalah orang yang positif. Sungguh! Beri saya waktu lima belas sampai tiga puluh menit, dan saya akan baik-baik saja dari suasana hati buruk yang mungkin menyusahkan orang-orang di sekitar. Waktu tersebut saya gunakan untuk menenangkan hati yang berpikir tahu segalanya padahal tidak, dan memaksa logika bekerja untuk menemukan sisi baik atau sekadar meyakinkan diri bahwa apapun yang saya risaukan sesungguhnya tidak berarti apa-apa. Tiga puluh menit, atau bahkan sepuluh detik. Tak heran saya sering dituduh berkepribadian ganda.</div>
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Ketika menyadari ulang tahun ke dua puluh tiga saya jatuh dalam jadwal pelatihan neraka--atau begitulah saya ingin menyebutnya--saya cukup terganggu. Memang, ulang tahun tidak lagi seperti saat saya berumur lima; bersiap-siap dengan gaun terbaik dan menatap kue ulang tahun besar dengan hiasan bunga mawar yang bisa dimakan sambil harap-harap cemas siapa akan memberikan kado apa. Ulang tahun sekarang tidak lebih dari sekadar ucapan selamat plus barisan doa virtual ataupun telepon tengah malam dan kalau beruntung kado berpita dengan surat bertulis tangan di dalamnya. Namun bukan itu yang saya keluhkan. Yang saya takutkan atas satu hari di bulan Desember itu adalah saya tidak sempat berkaca atas satu tahun ke belakang dan merencanakan target-target hingga Desember berikutnya--karena saya terlalu sibuk berharap pelatihan selesai dan segera pulang. Dan memang, itulah yang terjadi.</div>
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Di malam sebelumnya saya sempat teringat, dengan susah payah karena ketiadaan ponsel ataupun jam tangan membuat saya hampir-hampir kehilangan rasa waktu, bahwa besok adalah hari besarnya: dua puluh tiga. Esok paginya, saya sama sekali lupa. Saya baru teringat kembali ketika seorang teman sekelas memberi ucapan selamat sesaat setelah makan pagi, dan saya pura-pura bersikap biasa saat mengucap terima kasih. Beberapa teman menakut-nakuti untuk memberikan info trivia tidak penting ini kepada pelatih, mungkin dengan harapan agar saya disiksa dan dipermalukan di depan umum karena diam-diam mereka adalah para sadis yang bersembunyi di balik tawa dan kerlingan mata, tapi saya bilang tidak, terima kasih, saya lebih senang melanjutkan untuk menjadi manusia tidak kasat mata sebagaimana yang berhasil saya lakukan dalam lima hari pertama. (Omong-omong, menjadi tidak kasat mata mungkin satu-satunya bakat alami yang saya miliki, dan mungkin akan saya ceritakan dalam satu posting tersendiri bila keadaan memungkinkan.)</div>
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Dua puluh tiga mungkin salah satu ulang tahun yang akan saya ingat sampai lama. Ketiadaan ponsel membuat tiada pula pesan-pesan virtual yang datang entah karena memang peduli atau pura-pura peduli. Hari itu, teman-teman yang peduli mendatangi saya di sela waktu senggang sesaat sebelum 'penyiksaan', mengucapkan selamat dan doa-doa, berjabat tangan. Oh, dan 'penyiksaan' itu sendiri. Semacam kado terindah di umur dua puluh tiga, berbonus siku dan lutut lecet serta sekujur badan penuh lumpur dan mungkin bekas muntahan. Tidak apa. Karena belum-belum, saya sudah ketemu sisi baiknya.</div>
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Ini mungkin semacam metafora. Bahwa selanjutnya tidak akan mudah, dan ulang tahun sudah lama tidak lagi berupa meniup lilin sambil dijepret kamera lalu bersemangat merobek bungkus kado. Bertambah umur berarti berkurangnya usia, bertambah tuntutan dan berkurang ketergantungan, serta menjadi dewasa sudah bukan opsional. </div>
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Sisi pesimis saya meneriakkan hal-hal buruk, bahwa saya dua puluh tiga tanpa menjadi apa-apa, dan janji-janji yang saya buat sejak umur belasan bahkan masih belum terlaksana sampai sekarang. Sisi positif saya berkata bahwa saya masih dua puluh tiga dan mungkin masih punya beberapa tahun selanjutnya dan biarkan rasa malu akan kegagalan selama dua puluh dua tahun meresap hingga membuat saya terpacu untuk melakukan hal yang benar di tahun berikutnya. </div>
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Tidak ada yang menang, karena ini bukan pertandingan. Karena pada akhirnya, mungkin saya cuma seorang realis yang hidup untuk hari ini. Bahwa besok dan selanjutnya masih soal nanti.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-31619388465460709952014-10-19T17:13:00.001+07:002015-07-03T15:14:02.520+07:00Spectrum<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">
I almost didn't recognize him.<br />
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Yes, he was wearing his signature plaid shirt, jeans, and sneakers. But they weren't the ones so dirty I had to sneak into his room to throw those abominations to the nearest laundy service few years ago. Actually, his bold colored sneakers looked really fancy, and I was sure it must cost him grand.<br />
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And something about his face; it seemed brighter. He still did have the scruff along his jawline--he pledged he wouldn't shave them off otherwise he would look underaged--but instead of growing uncontrollably around his face like a homeless man, he trimmed it nicely. Also, he ditched the old fashioned glasses and maybe wore lenses in exchange, because I could clearly see his emerald green eyes; greener than I ever remember.</div>
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The thing that gave him away was his smile. Oh, those smiles. I used to do even the silliest things to get those smiles out of him. Now he gave it easily to just anyone, including me, some random girl he accidentally looked in the eyes at a long bathroom line. He didn't recognize me. Yet.</div>
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So I decided to break the ice first.<br />
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"Tony, right?" I faked a surprise, like I haven't been watching him for the last five minutes.<br />
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His eyes darted back to me. His forehead creased. I smiled even brighter.<br />
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"It's Anne. We used to live in the same dorm. Remember?"<br />
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It took a few seconds until he finally recognized me. A few seconds when he gave me a judging look from head to toe; a few seconds that made my heart beat slightly faster.</div>
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"Anne." It came out more like a whisper than anything. </div>
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"I am." I smiled. I always smile, even back then when he failed me miserably. </div>
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"How... are you doing?"</div>
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"Great! How about you? I haven't seen you and Sam for few years now, I'm surprised we meet here."</div>
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Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned Sam. It created a dead air between me and Tony, and awkwardness started to creep in.</div>
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"I'm fine." He finally controlled his expression and smiled a little. "I haven't seen Sam for years either."</div>
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I faked another surprise. I was getting good at this. "Really? I thought... you two would still be together."</div>
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There, I said it. </div>
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I rehearsed this scene over and over in my head ever since I heard about Tony and Sam breaking up. I practiced it to sound so natural they would think I really cared, like I really thought they should still be together. I was going to make them feel sorry. Not for me, but for themselves. For taking the wrong choice. For stabbing me right in the heart.</div>
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It had been years ago but I still remembered how it hurt.<br />
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Falling for Tony was my greatest mistake. He did make me feel happy. He made me feel good about myself, too. And for a moment, I really thought Tony would fall for me too, because sometimes I saw the look in his eyes when he talked to me and I thought he must liked me more than a friend. Oh, I was so naive. And I only realized that when Sam came along. </div>
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Sam didn't like Tony. She didn't find his jokes funny or anything he said interesting. But she thought Tony was attractive; he was tall and beneath those plaid shirts there were rumours about six-pack abs. Tony didn't like Sam either. He thought Sam talked too much and too airheaded for his taste. But he also found Sam attractive; she had flawless skin and body of a Spanish guitar.</div>
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One day, I found them kissing in front of my door. </div>
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That day, I lost two of my bestfriends.</div>
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"No... we broke up." He reached the back of his head. The gesture I remembered, meaning he wasn't sure what else to say. "We weren't really clicked, you know."</div>
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<i>I knew</i>, I wanted to reply, but I held my tongue. Instead I said, "That's too bad. You'll find the one." </div>
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His expression changed a little, and I wasn't sure what it was. But I quickly added with a smile. "If you haven't already."</div>
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He nodded. "I have."</div>
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Some parts of me shattered. <i>I had not.</i></div>
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"Great for you."</div>
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Another dead air. </div>
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Maybe that was it. </div>
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The day my heart broke to million pieces, I knew something was wrong with me. I wasn't good enough. Tony didn't choose me because I wasn't pretty, and Sam knew she had a chance with Tony because she thought I wasn't pretty either. So I tried to change myself. Diet, new clothes, tons of make up. Guys fell all over me ever since. </div>
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I thought revenge would taste sweet. </div>
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I thought Tony would regret his decision once he saw the new me. I thought he would beg me to be with him again, sharing those laughs or heated discussions about things that matters, or anything, really. But the realisation hit me like a block of concrete wall: it wasn't because of me not being pretty. He just didn't like me. Period.</div>
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All I could taste was bitter.</div>
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And all I could see was his green eyes looking at me. That same longing look as the one back then when I thought he liked me, much more than as a friend.</div>
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But then again, I was wrong about it once. I won't delude myself for the second time.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-41753157031180379552014-07-30T22:45:00.001+07:002014-08-04T17:01:10.460+07:00Snippet #2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: justify;">
Kasus kali ini berhasil kami selesaikan jauh lebih cepat daripada yang kukira. Kalimat-kalimat ancaman dari Rio padaku di telepon tadi pagi membuatku membayangkan akan menghadapi sebuah kasus rumit dengan klien terburuk yang pernah ada.</div>
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Nyatanya, selain fakta bahwa klien kami adalah seorang pemilik perusahaan tambang yang luar biasa kaya raya dan gampang tersulut emosinya, aku hanya perlu berbincang dengannya selama kurang lebih 30 menit sebelum Rio dapat menyimpulkan analisis dan menemukan benda yang semalaman ini ia cari. Ya, hanya sebuah insiden kehilangan barang biasa. Meski tak dapat dipungkiri barang yang hilang adalah sebuah cincin berlian yang bila diuangkan dapat membayar biaya sewa kamar di rumah Nyonya Tan selama kurang lebih 20 tahun, dan imbalan jasa yang kami terima untuk pekerjaan ini mampu membuat Rio kehilangan wajah sok tenangnya selama sepersekian detik pertama si pengusaha mengulurkan cek yang ditandatanganinya pada kami.</div>
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Aku tak mampu menghapus senyum di wajahku. Hari masih pagi, udara yang terasa sejuk karena hujan dini hari membuat kaku wajahku dalam ekspresi itu. Sekilas aku melirik Rio yang berjalan dengan langkahnya panjang-panjang di sampingku. Ia selalu terlihat rileks setiap kali sebuah kasus berhasil diselesaikan dengan mulus, dan meski aku tidak melihat senyum di bibirnya, aku yakin bisa melihat pancaran rasa senang dan optimisme dibalik kacamata ber<i>-frame</i> tebalnya. Rio jelas bukan orang yang berorientasi uang, tapi bukan berarti ia tidak akan senang bila menerima selembar cek yang dapat dicairkan menjadi setumpuk besar uang untuk membiayai kegiatan operasional kami.</div>
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Aku memutuskan untuk bertanya selagi Rio masih dalam mood yang bagus. "Jadi, makan-makan di restoran mahal atau pesta barbekyu?"</div>
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Rio menoleh dengan ekspresi wajah seakan baru menyadari bahwa aku ada di sampingnya, lalu melambatkan langkah. Aku bersyukur karena tak lagi harus berjalan cepat, bahkan hampir berlari, hanya untuk bisa menyamai langkahnya.</div>
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"Maksudmu?"</div>
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"Kita baru menyelesaikan kasus gampang dengan bayaran luar biasa dan hari ini pun masih panjang. Tidakkah menurutmu kita harus merayakannya?"</div>
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Ia tampak berpikir sebentar. "Jadi kau menyarankan kita perlu makan di restoran mahal, berdua?"</div>
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Mataku membelalak, dan kurasakan wajahku menghangat. Rio membuatnya seolah-olah aku mengajaknya kencan atau apa. "Tentu saja tidak. Ajak Bobby, ia jelas sudah sangat membantu dalam kasus ini. Lalu Anika, Ian, Tito, Pak Untung, Pak Tomo, bocah- pemberi-informasi-yang-aku-lupa-namanya, dan kalau perlu aku akan ajak Nyonya Tan. Ajak semua orang yang kau kenal, kalau perlu." Aku menarik napas agak panjang dan menghembuskannya perlahan sejenak setelah berbicara terlalu cepat. "Mungkin pesta barbekyu jauh lebih seru untuk itu."</div>
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Rio menatapku dengan alis terangkat. Kupikir ia akan menolak, beralasan bahwa hal itu merepotkan ataupun buang-buang waktu dan uang. Namun, ia hanya kembali menatap lurus ke depan dan menggumamkan, "Oke."</div>
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Senyum kembali menghiasi wajahku. Meski tidak bertahan lama, karena aku mulai mengkhawatirkan bagaimana cara kami pulang ke kantor. Kakiku mulai terasa pegal setelah berjalan cepat hampir 500 meter dari pintu rumah sang klien menuju gerbang ke luar halamannya--ya, area rumahnya memang seluas itu. Dan setelah mencapai pintu gerbang, kami akan keluar ke jalan kompleks dan perlu sekitar satu kilometer lagi untuk menemukan jalan utama dan bersusah payah menyetop taksi atau kendaraan umum apapun yang melewati daerah pinggir kota ini. Sebesar apapun rasa tidak sukaku pada Bobby dan kegilaannya dalam berkendara, aku lebih memilih terombang-ambing di jok belakang motornya daripada terpaksa harus menambah satu jam lagi berjalan kaki bersisian dengan Rio.</div>
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"Bagaimana kita akan kembali kantor?" tanyaku. "Apa kau akan meminta bantuan orang-orangmu lagi? Bobby?"</div>
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Rio mengerutkan alis. "Mereka bukan tukang ojek."</div>
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"Memang. Lalu bagaimana? Apa perlu kupesan taksi sekarang? Kalau beruntung, kurasa kita akan dijemput paling cepat satu jam dari sekarang, tapi hal itu masih mendingan daripada berjalan kaki satu jam lalu melambai-lambai menunggu taksi yang tak pernah lewat. Aku heran klien kita tidak menawarkan transportasi pulang mengingat betapa terpencilnya tempat ini, tapi mungkin ia merasa nominal yang ia berikan sudah mencakup transportasi dan segalanya..."</div>
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"Sebenarnya beliau menawarkanku untuk diantar pulang oleh supirnya, tapi tentu saja aku menolak."</div>
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<i>Tentu saja?</i> Aku ingin menyodok tulang rusuknya dengan siku, tetapi menahan diri demi keberlangsungan pesta barbekyu nanti malam. Kalau ia merundung gara-gara tindakanku, bisa-bisa aku gagal mendapatkan kucuran dana untuk pesta. Bagaimanapun, ia adalah atasanku, atau semacam itu.</div>
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Aku mencoba mengaburkan nada kesal dalam suaraku. "Dan kau menolaknya karena...?"</div>
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Rio mengedikkan dagunya ke depan. Kami sudah sampai di depan pintu gerbang dan pos satpam. Awalnya kupikir ia menunjuk kepada satpam yang tersenyum ramah kepada kami, tetapi aku menyadari dibelakang satpam tersebut terparkir sebuah motor besar dengan sepasang helm diletakkan di atas joknya.</div>
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Ha. Ini tidak mungkin. </div>
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Selama kurang lebih satu tahun bekerja dengan Rio, hanya satu kali aku pernah melihatnya mengendarai sesuatu. Dan sesuatu itu adalah sebuah sepeda pink dengan keranjang dan roda tambahan milik seorang gadis kecil yang diculik, dan Rio mencobanya untuk membuktikan hipotesisnya tentang perkiraan tempat dan waktu kejadian penculikan berdasarkan rute bersepeda sang gadis. Aku menyimpulkan Rio sama sekali tidak memiliki kemampuan berkendara, sehingga ia selalu meminta bantuan <i>orang-orangnya</i> tiap kali kami membutuhkan tumpangan cepat ke lokasi tertentu. </div>
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Namun, sepeda motor.</div>
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"Kau yakin?"</div>
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"Kau ingin berjalan kaki satu jam lagi untuk melambai-lambai ke taksi yang tidak pernah lewat?" </div>
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"Aku bisa menelepon taksi dan menunggu dijemput di sini."</div>
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"Oke."</div>
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Rio memasang helmnya dan mulai menyalakan mesin motor. Raungan bertenaga dari knalpot motor memenuhi kompleks raksasa yang sunyi ini. Mendadak aku menyadari betapa menyedihkannya bila aku harus menunggu selama satu jam--kemungkinan lebih--di tempat terasing, sendirian. Mungkin tidak terlalu sendirian; si satpam yang tersenyum ramah masih mempertahankan senyumnya kepadaku.... membuatku semakin mengurungkan niat untuk tinggal.</div>
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"Um, hei." Aku memanggil Rio. Sedikit malu-malu karena terpaksa menjilat ludah sendiri. "Hei."</div>
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Tetapi deru mesin motor dan helm yang telah terpasang membuatnya tidak mendengarkanku. Atau ia memang pura-pura tak mendengar, karena aku yakin melihat salah satu ujung bibirnya tertarik ke atas sambil sok menatap kenop gas yang tidak ada artinya.</div>
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Aku memutuskan langsung mengambil aksi daripada basa-basi. Kuraih helm yang masih terletak manis di jok belakang, memasangnya di kepalaku dan merusakkan kuncir kuda yang baru saja kurapikan di toilet rumah klien sebelum pulang, lalu memanjat ke atas jok di belakang Rio. Kuharap ia benar-benar bisa mengendarai benda ini, karena aku tidak ingin mati konyol hanya gara-gara seseorang ingin sok keren mengendarai motor besar.</div>
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"Siap?" tanya Rio. </div>
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Ia tak menyuruhku berpegangan, tidak seperti Bobby. Jadi kurasa memang tak perlu, toh sebagai pemula kurasa ia akan berhati-hati dan tak memacu motornya terlalu laju. Kusisihkan jarak sekitar lima sentimeter antara bagian depan tubuhku dan punggungnya.</div>
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Aku merasakan tatapan si satpam menembus punggungku, membuatku sedikit bergidik. </div>
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"Ayo jalan." </div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-51225527827986910992014-06-10T15:46:00.000+07:002014-06-11T08:41:59.883+07:00Skip and Fast Forward<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's June already! A lot can happen in a month, and actually, that's the very reason I leave out May in my blog archive this year.</div>
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First, I'm almost officially an official. Okay, the word 'almost' doesn't sound reassuring at all, does it? But to me, who has been a sad little girl without a certain status these past few months, it <i>is</i> a big thing. Big enough to make me feel a wee bit euphoric when holding a mere paper with my name and my status written there. </div>
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Secondly, I no longer work in the office where I have finished my on-the-job training. I get placed in the regional office that's even closer to my house than the previous one, but surprisingly, I do not feel all that happy. People keep saying I'm lucky to still have the opportunity to stay in my hometown, or the regional office has fewer workloads so I could relax. Correct me if I'm wrong, but most of the time, feeling has nothing to do with logic, doesn't it? I keep counting all the benefit I can get, but the truth is, I can't get myself to feel excited. I don't know, maybe I'm just being ungrateful, or maybe I just have to give it time. Loving is a process, I know that much too.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thirdly, what is it with all the peer pressure? Two of my close friends are ready to settle down this year. The girls with whom I used to do silly things together now starting their own family. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, really, and I always wish the best for them in life or after. But being an unmarried girl in an adult environment only to be added by news of everybody gets married unless me, that's one pain in the stomach I could not avoid. Not that I want to get married anytime soon either. I'm just that girl who looks at greener grasses only to feel envy as hell. Haha. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bottom line, my life is great. It always is, but sometimes I need to write down things in public blog under pseudonym to reset my mindset and realize that.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span id="verse_223_language_6_content">"...But perhaps you hate a thing and
it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you.
And Allah Knows, while you know not." [Quran, Al-Baqarah 216}</span></i></div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-59791536986561577382014-04-01T15:45:00.001+07:002014-04-08T08:36:14.572+07:00Stockholm Syndrome #2<div style="text-align: justify;">
Aku tahu bahwa tidak sopan untuk menatap seseorang lebih lama dari tiga detik, tetapi aku tak tahan untuk tidak memperhatikan sepasang mata milik Axel yang sedang fokus menyetir dan memperhatikan jalan. Warnanya hijau. Berkilau cemerlang seperti warna gundu yang sering kumainkan saat masih kecil dulu. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Ada apa di wajahku?" tanya Axel, tanpa melirik.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Cepat-cepat kualihkan pandanganku ke jalanan. Langit masih kelabu dan keping salju mulai turun satu-satu. "Apa kau akan membawaku menemui Sam sekarang?"<br />
<br />
Ia mengernyit, entah kenapa tampak tak begitu senang. "Kau ingin menemuinya sekarang?"<br />
<br />
"Mm, tidak tahu. Maksudku, aku hanya bertanya."<br />
<br />
"Oh."<br />
<br />
Axel tidak menjawab pertanyaanku.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Sisa perjalanan terasa canggung. Aku beringsut tak nyaman di jok; pegal karena duduk terlalu tegak, tapi takut untuk bersandar karena tak mau kelihatan terlalu nyaman. Salju turun semakin lebat di luar, membuat pemandangan di depan semakin buram. Aku menggenggam sabuk pengaman di dadaku erat-erat.<br />
<br />
"Apakah salju selalu setebal ini di sini?" Kuberanikan diri bertanya. Ini pengalaman pertamaku melihat salju, tetapi kurasa musim dingin yang kulihat di televisi tak sampai semenakutkan ini.<br />
<br />
"Tidak selalu. Mungkin ini cuaca terburuk di musim dingin tahun ini." Ia tampak berpikir sebentar. "Kau datang dari negara tropis. Kenapa datang saat musim dingin?"<br />
<br />
Aku memutar mata. Apakah ini pertanyaan retoris, atau ia benar-benar tidak tahu jawaban dari pertanyaan itu?<br />
<br />
"<i>Karena </i>aku dari negara tropis, maka aku datang saat musim dingin. Aku belum pernah melihat salju sebelumnya."<br />
<br />
Tak kusangka, Axel tertawa. Bukan tawa ramah demi sopan santun, tetapi kebalikannya: ia menertawakanku. Aku tak tahu apakah harus merasa tersinggung atau hanya bingung.<br />
<br />
"Jadi, kau datang jauh-jauh ke Swedia hanya demi butiran salju? Benarkah? Oh, luar biasa. Aku tak perlu repot-repot membawamu ke Danau Mälaren, atau ke Woodland Cemetery, dan lain-lain. Hei, aku bahkan tak perlu mengantarmu ke hotel. Aku bisa menurunkanmu di sini dan membiarkanmu puas bermain salju seharian, atau semingguan, sesukamu. Hebat."<br />
<br />
"Hei," aku merengut, "tidak lucu."<br />
<br />
"Oh, percayalah, itu <i>memang </i>lucu."<br />
<br />
Aku hanya mendengus. Apa yang salah dengan keinginan melihat salju? Kurasa 99% orang di Indonesia bercita-cita ingin melihat salju setidaknya satu kali seumur hidupnya; 1% yang tidak, tinggal di Pegunungan Jayawijaya.<br />
<br />
Axel masih menyeringai saat ia menghentikan mobil dan menepi di pinggir jalan. Dan ia sungguh menikmati perubahan ekspresi wajahku yang tiba-tiba panik.<br />
<br />
"Kau tidak akan benar-benar menurunkanku di sini, kan? Aku akan melaporkanmu pada Sam."<br />
<br />
Alisnya berkerut sejenak saat mendengarku menyebut nama Sam, tapi tak urung memamerkan senyumnya kembali. Gigi-geligi rapi putih cemerlang itu seakan mengejekku yang mulai nyaris ketakutan.<br />
<br />
"Selamat menikmati badai salju pertamamu," ucapnya santai, lalu menurunkan sandaran jok, melipat tangan di dada, dan mulai memejamkan mata.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-25227108531138419282014-03-23T09:44:00.000+07:002014-04-01T15:57:43.460+07:00Snippet<div style="text-align: justify;">
Hujan yang telah kuamati selama lima belas menit penuh dari balik jendela kaca tebal kamarku akhirnya berhenti, tetapi rasanya aku terlanjur enggan untuk beranjak. Udara masih dingin dan lembab, dan pelukan selimut di tubuhku terlalu nyaman untuk dilepaskan. Namun, lengkingan ponsel yang bergetar di tangan mencegahku untuk meringkuk lebih dalam di bawah selimut dan bergelung di sana hingga pagi menjelang. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Halo?"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Hujan sudah berhenti. Cepat kemari atau akan ada kekacauan besar, yang dapat kupastikan penyebabnya adalah kau."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Rio tidak pernah mengerti adab berbicara di telepon, bahkan untuk sekedar berkata 'halo'. Aku mendesah, menendang selimut dengan kakiku hingga terlempar ke lantai, dan merasakan udara dingin menyergap tubuhku yang hanya berbalut daster tidur kesayangan. "Baiklah, dua puluh menit lagi aku sampai. Itupun kalau jalanan lancar. Kau tahu, seperti biasa hujan selalu mendatangkan kemacetan."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Omong kosong. Kau akan sampai dalam lima belas menit. Sudah kusuruh orang menjemputmu sejak hujan berhenti tadi."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Orang?" Aku menelan ludah. Orang-orang Rio tidak pernah membuatku merasa nyaman. "Biar kutebak, Bobby?"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Yep," jawabnya singkat, lalu dengan satu klik cepat memutuskan sambungan.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Buru-buru aku menyambar setelan yang tergantung dibalik pintu. Celana formal gelap, blus hijau muda dengan aksen pita di depannya, dan blazer gelap yang pas di badan. Tak lupa aku mengalungkan tanda pengenal hijau bertali hitam dengan cepat di leherku setelah selesai berganti baju dan membenahi rambut yang kukuncir kuda serapi mungkin. Aku sedang memakai sepatu pantofel hitam mengilap ketika deru mesin motor bergemuruh dari jalanan. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bobby sudah datang. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Setengah berlari aku menyampirkan tas dan keluar dari kamar. Pintu terkunci otomatis saat aku membantingnya menutup, dan di teras depan ada Nyonya Tan sang pemilik rumah, hingga aku tak perlu repot-repot mengunci pintu depan dan membuat Bobby menggerutu karena harus menunggu.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Bertugas sepagi ini, Nak?" sapa Nyonya Tan ramah. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Aku merasa tidak nyaman karena tidak sempat berbasa-basi, jadi aku berusaha untuk membuat nada suaraku seramah dan setidak-terganggu mungkin saat menjawab, "Iya, Bu, maklum, tuntutan pekerjaan. Permisi," sambil tersenyum dan melesat menuju Bobby dan motor besarnya yang menderu-deru seperti singa marah.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bobby mengulurkan helm kepadaku saat aku mendekat. "Cepat naik, Rio ingin kita sudah tiba di sana sepuluh menit dari sekarang."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Aku mengangguk cepat, memasang helm dan menghancurkan kuncir yang sudah susah-susah kubuat rapi, lalu memanjat ke jok belakang Bobby. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
"Pegangan yang erat atau kau akan terlempar."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Tak perlu disuruh, aku mengalungkan lenganku erat-erat ke tubuh Bobby yang besar dan berlapis jaket kulit yang dingin. Sekali aku pernah nyaris terlempar saat dibonceng olehnya hanya karena aku berusaha mempertahankan tas yang hampir terbang terbawa angin.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Aku membayangkan wajah Rio yang kesal karena aku menolak datang hanya karena hujan, dan, sambil menggumamkan doa-doa keselamatan saat motor mulai digeber dan melaju meninggalkan komplek, berharap klien yang akan kuhadapi nanti mau berbaik hati menyediakan sarapan karena perutku sudah mulai meneriakkan raungan-raungan kelaparan.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-90336654484238389812014-03-07T16:34:00.000+07:002014-04-01T15:58:07.795+07:00Pelangi<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: inherit; text-align: center;">
<span style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHcKDisg9Hgyddw60I99YTmsK6g_AzFIyp3u_AJ5FzR7aLmpTazivNw4prUofBCmwKnI3iVDxNjLLlIbeBDR86DqX3yZngb93GApegw2ZI-MluqRfzXPnHZhcfZA0yF-bIVN_a/s1600/68bea2f8a00d8b9f1dfb69e4ad151f95.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHcKDisg9Hgyddw60I99YTmsK6g_AzFIyp3u_AJ5FzR7aLmpTazivNw4prUofBCmwKnI3iVDxNjLLlIbeBDR86DqX3yZngb93GApegw2ZI-MluqRfzXPnHZhcfZA0yF-bIVN_a/s1600/68bea2f8a00d8b9f1dfb69e4ad151f95.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="text-align: justify;">Kamu
tahu mengapa saya suka pelangi? Bila belum, mari saya bagi ceritanya padamu.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Pada
suatu hari, sehabis bermain lompat tali dengan teman-teman sebelah rumah di
pekarangan sekolah seberang jalan, saya mencoba menjadi sedikit nakal. Ibu
bilang saya sudah harus pulang sebelum jam tiga, tetapi saya masih belum puas
karena anak-anak tetangga mau lanjut bermain petak umpet di lorong-lorong kelas
yang terkunci. Sekali itu saja, pikir saya. Saya bosan jadi anak yang paling
bodoh dalam permainan karena terlalu banyak diam di rumah dan duduk membaca.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Seorang
yang mendapat giliran jaga mulai menghitung sampai seratus dengan kecepatan
mobil formula. Saya dan yang lainnya buru-buru berlari mencari tempat
persembunyian. Beberapa memilih bersembunyi di balik pintu. Atau di kantin yang
gelap. Saya tak suka tempat biasa. Saya melompat dari lantai panggung bangunan
sekolah dan bersembunyi di bawah lantai. Mereka bilang di bawah ada biawak dan
ular sawah, tetapi saya tidak takut. Setahu saya biawak tidak makan manusia,
jadi menurut saya makhluk itu hanya sekedar cicak berukuran besar dan panjang.
Ular sawah? Saya tidak percaya. Tanah di bawah gedung sekolah lebih cocok
disebut rawa dibandingkan sawah yang ada padinya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Saya
menunggu lama. Sesekali terdengar kehebohan dan grudak-gruduk langkah di lantai
papan sekolah saat beberapa anak mulai ketahuan dalam persembunyian. Sekuat
tenaga saya menahan tawa. Kalau saya tidak ketahuan sampai permainan usai, saya
akan jadi pembela, dan tidak akan beresiko dapat giliran jaga di putaran berikutnya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Langit
tampak gelap lalu hujan turun, deras pula. Menulikan pendengaran saya akan
percakapan yang sebelumnya bisa saya dengar dari sela-sela papan. Saya mulai
meragukan apakah mereka masih berusaha mencari saya, atau mengira saya sudah
pulang mengingat mereka juga tahu bahwa saya sudah diharuskan pulang pukul
tiga.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Dingin.
Saya mulai ketakutan. Bagaimana kalau saya ditinggalkan? Saya ingin berlari
menerobos hujan sampai ke rumah, tetapi gemuruh petir menggelegar. Katanya,
petir akan menyambar orang yang berbaju merah, dan saya sedang memakai kaos
merah kesayangan saya! Saya akhirnya meringkuk di bawah lantai papan yang
dipenuhi sarang laba-laba. Dalam hati saya berdoa supaya air hujan tidak
menyebabkan banjir karena kaki saya sudah menghitam terkena air hujan yang
bercampur tanah yang melunak.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Ketika
saya hampir menangis dan nekat berlari menerobos hujan dengan kemungkinan
gosong disambar petir, langit tiba-tiba kembali cerah, dan hujan pun mereda.
Saya memberanikan diri keluar dari kolong dan memandang sekeliling bangunan
sekolah yang kecil. Teman-teman saya tampaknya sudah pulang semua.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Dalam
perjalanan kembali ke rumah disertai rintik-rintik gerimis yang tersisa, saya
cemas membayangkan akan dimarahi Ibu karena terlambat pulang, kaki kotor, dan basah
berhujan. Tetapi ketika saya mendongak untuk membasahi wajah saya yang mungkin
penuh debu, di sana lah ia. Pelangi. Lengkungan indah berwarna-warni, seperti
es krim favorit saya yang wajib dibeli sehabis pulang dari supermarket
berbelanja.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Mendadak,
kecemasan saya hilang, ditelan indahnya pelangi dan sejuknya rintik hujan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span class="Apple-style-span">... Hei,
cerita saya belum usai. Kurasa sekarang kamu berpikir, untuk apa-apa saya
repot-repot mengulang satu fragmen masa lalu untuk diceritakan padamu?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Jawabannya,
karena saya tahu kalau kamu pasti akan mendengarkan saya, semembosankan apapun
ceritanya. Dan saya berterima kasih karenanya. Bila berbicara denganmu, saya
tak perlu lagi mencemaskan hal-hal yang sepagian ini merisaukan saya. Tahu-tahu
hilang, lenyap ditelan anggukan pelan dan senyummu yang khidmat mendengarkan
dengan seksama.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">
<span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Ya,
mungkin terdengar picisan, tetapi entah sejak kapan, kamu seperti pelangi buat
saya. Silakan tertawa karena saya pun akan ikut juga. </span><span lang="IN" style="mso-ansi-language: IN;">Lagipula
saya hanya ingin kamu tahu, dan, tentu saja, melihat senyum itu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-48335434727852618492014-01-16T19:59:00.001+07:002014-01-20T07:59:13.901+07:00What A Day!<div xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
I made stupid mistake today and it's kinda fatal. As in, fatal for me, because I can assure you I did nothing to cause loss of our precious state revenue. But still, it's really stupid and no intelligent human being would make such mistake therefore I must not qualified as an intelligent human being which means I have low IQ and don't deserve a position in this ministry. *crying*<br />
<br />
Okay, I'm exaggerating much. <br />
<br />
But I ain't lying about how I feel really terrible after committing this atrocity. I can't get it off my mind; it's like being in love but in the cruelest way. (What?)<br />
<br />
Writing about it may or may not make me feel better, so I take the chance (between easing my heart and embarrassing myself in front of my dearest almost-non-existent blog readers). And somehow I do feel better. Slightly... but definitely better.<br />
<br />
(Maybe it's not the writing, maybe it's the rants, but whichever works for me.)</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-28887383780882333472013-12-19T21:06:00.001+07:002014-04-01T15:58:53.628+07:00Kasual<div style="text-align: justify;">
Entah patut dibanggakan atau tidak: aku mampu mengenalinya dari kejauhan, bahkan di tengah kerumunan orang. Di mataku ia tampak bercahaya, sehingga dengan mudah aku mengikuti sosoknya yang ramping menyelinap di celah-celah keramaian. Bibirku mulai menyunggingkan senyum yang tidak bisa ditahan.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Pertemuan.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Aku bertemu dengannya beberapa kali dalam sehari. Kebanyakan hanya papasan singkat di jalan, disertai anggukan singkat dan senyuman tipis seadanya. Ia tahu namaku dan aku tahu namanya. Hubungan yang sangat kasual dan sederhana.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Belakangan, rasanya ada yang kurang. Raut wajahnya tampak tak fokus saat kami berpapasan, sehingga jangankan balas menyunggingkan senyum, ia mungkin tak sadar bahwa aku sedang menatapnya dengan senyum terbaik yang ku punya. Ia hanya berlalu, lewat begitu saja, dan yang kudapat hanya samar-samar bau parfumnya. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Aku tidak pernah meminta banyak. Hanya sedikit senyum dan sapaan singkat sudah jauh lebih cukup. Tetapi ketiadaan keduanya membuatku merasa kehilangan yang besar. Satu bagian rutinitas mendadak menghilang. Satu bagian hati rindu memuja. Dan satu hal yang kutahu; aku harus melakukan sesuatu.</div>
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<a name='more'></a></div>
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Maka sampailah aku pada hari ini. Kepada pertemuan yang hampir terjadi, beberapa saat lagi. Jantungku berdebar terlalu keras karena antisipasi. Ia semakin dekat. Pertemuan sesungguhnya, lebih dari tatapan satu detik dan sahutan basa-basi. Ia kemari untukku.</div>
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Atau tepatnya, karena aku.</div>
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“Selamat siang, Pak.”</div>
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“Selamat siang. Ada yang bisa saya bantu, Mbak?”</div>
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Ia tampak mengatur napas. Wajahnya terlihat lelah. Masalah yang dihadapinya sudah menggerogotinya dari dalam. Aku bahkan tak melihat ia susah payah memalsukan senyum agar terlihat sopan.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
“Bapak lihat suami saya, tidak? Tadi pagi dia datang bersama saya sampai ke ruangan. Saya pikir setelah itu dia langsung pulang, tetapi ternyata mobilnya masih ada di parkiran. Selama Bapak menjaga pintu ini dari pagi sampai sekarang, apa Bapak melihatnya keluar?”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
“Wah, saya kurang tahu, Mbak. Hari ini pengunjung mal sedang ramai sekali.”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
“Oh. Baiklah kalau begitu. Tolong kabari saya kalau-kalau Bapak ingat sesuatu, ya, Pak. Saya kembali ke ruangan dulu.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Siap, Mbak. Akan saya bereskan.”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ia menatapku bingung sedetik dua detik karena kalimat terakhirku. Ia tidak akan mengerti. Aku meraih pentungan di meja dan mengelusnya perlahan. Harus dibersihkan dengan alkohol. Kalau tidak, bau darah akan tercium meski samar-samar.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Aku masih harus membereskan sesosok yang mulai kaku dari kamar mandi satpam. Namun aku telah berhasil membereskan masalah yang membuat keningnya berkerut berminggu-minggu dan meninggalkan bekas luka serta memar biru yang tak mampu disembunyikan dandannya. </div>
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Ya, terima kasih kembali.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-56182082462143658202013-12-08T10:00:00.002+07:002013-12-08T10:00:43.703+07:00A Little EscapeA joyful trip with Seksi Pelayanan, November 30th, 2013.<div>
<i>(too lazy to write, so let the photo speaks for itself)</i><div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsMHnACndgHPtSpWi2OPXRw_VIIeZnlkvf1S1yofoDDpd5C_sP6zdhGcZ8ijlGnHstCaFa3ugonanolcG7q-e8okX9tOap3GafDlVMzLyj6eTM4LMhh8L82rwhg6mPyrWFPq4N/s1600/DSC07119.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsMHnACndgHPtSpWi2OPXRw_VIIeZnlkvf1S1yofoDDpd5C_sP6zdhGcZ8ijlGnHstCaFa3ugonanolcG7q-e8okX9tOap3GafDlVMzLyj6eTM4LMhh8L82rwhg6mPyrWFPq4N/s400/DSC07119.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tanjung Bajau, Singkawang</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7WmCMnFdkiB_b9fZSNiSPAVRhRmV1KrZ-uy-m9S1u_LwG_WqYkENuu3lL3hRnVPioNYEEOZoBGU2FRStyvaF2n_eYUOhFT-KdZtUleBWC7eA8YdMIEmHhpm3fv8wLYVcVt9O2/s1600/DSC07267.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7WmCMnFdkiB_b9fZSNiSPAVRhRmV1KrZ-uy-m9S1u_LwG_WqYkENuu3lL3hRnVPioNYEEOZoBGU2FRStyvaF2n_eYUOhFT-KdZtUleBWC7eA8YdMIEmHhpm3fv8wLYVcVt9O2/s320/DSC07267.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Fun fact: these three are triplets :3</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjso2PDHCrfxxkEDj_iwfsXjvpOz6O9kjxyJCv2BPHNrX9x4jsLqNjISB9cH3v1vIRVGMQ0c1Tk9lH-CUABKgP8fpfVhPpB8MDTrV_12h0PYLoCoyf0kx8L9tXxc6ELFrObz-rh/s1600/DSC07160.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjso2PDHCrfxxkEDj_iwfsXjvpOz6O9kjxyJCv2BPHNrX9x4jsLqNjISB9cH3v1vIRVGMQ0c1Tk9lH-CUABKgP8fpfVhPpB8MDTrV_12h0PYLoCoyf0kx8L9tXxc6ELFrObz-rh/s320/DSC07160.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The focus is altered (read: failed). Look at how our faces are blurred while the stone is crystal clear.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjezPDt1FAGPIbP_-DQhpld-QcalcxiLy9j_KWQMAwyfbarcfr2d6OehC0w0Jn2LDhgj8u7Dnl62zYVL5y-ypWiIzdXkzCGwVl5NpEQ_D9Cnyg9rrh4usYkQ5TBaS_GqG0QFCIT/s1600/DSC07282.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjezPDt1FAGPIbP_-DQhpld-QcalcxiLy9j_KWQMAwyfbarcfr2d6OehC0w0Jn2LDhgj8u7Dnl62zYVL5y-ypWiIzdXkzCGwVl5NpEQ_D9Cnyg9rrh4usYkQ5TBaS_GqG0QFCIT/s320/DSC07282.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Group picture, in front of Godzilla fighting off a giant octopus. Can we interpret it as us against the 'WP bandel'?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Actually, there are still more pictures, but I won't bore you with those. I'm still keeping my anonymity promise, anyway. :p</div>
</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-8600798166883162232013-10-26T17:04:00.002+07:002013-10-26T17:04:12.842+07:00Monolog Sabtu Sore<div style="text-align: justify;">
Jadi bingung hari Sabtu dan Minggu mau ngapain. Sudah dua minggu ini ikutan lembur di kantor, tapi masih saja punya stok berjam-jam bengong di kamar sambil menatap layar laptop. Sedihnya tinggal di rumah ya ini; uang ada tapi nggak tahu harus dihabiskan ke mana. Hahaha, kedengarannya sombong, ya. Tapi kurang lebih memang begitu. Kebalikan banget dengan waktu masih di ibukota.</div>
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<i>Bersyukur aja, Mik.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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Iya, saya bersyukur banget loh. Bisa magang <i>homebase</i>, jadi nggak perlu mengeluarkan biaya tambahan buat ngekos ataupun makan di luar. Bisa puas-puas peluk Mama atau nonton bola bareng Dedek dan Papa. Jarak rumah ke kantor juga nggak terlalu jauh, sehingga kalau berangkat pukul 7.20 pagi juga masih nggak telat absen <i>fingerprint. </i>Belum lagi lingkungan di tempat kerja sangat-sangat-sangat kecil berpotensi membuat capek hati. Orang-orangnya baik dan asyik pake banget. Malah saya pernah berbincang personal dengan salah satu ibu AR dan mendapatkan banyak sekali petuah hidup yang patut dijadikan pedoman. Salah satunya: cara supaya suami nggak bakal kepikiran untuk cari wanita simpanan. (<i>Want to know? Just message me. ;) ) </i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Kenapa masih mengeluh?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Apa, ya... Hmm. Namanya juga manusia, selalu saja punya celah untuk dikeluhkan. Kali ini, kurangnya hiburan yang harus jadi kambing hitam. Resiko tinggal di kota kecil, ada keterbatasan sarana hiburan. Cuma ada mall, alun-alun yang terlalu ramai dan banyak alay, dan entah apa lagi. Nggak ada gunung atau pantai. Dan yang lebih parah lagi: nggak ada teman! Sebenarnya ini yang paling fatal. Mengutip <i>commercial tagline </i>Malaysia Airlines sih, <i>"Journeys are made by the people you travel with." </i>Mau tempat se-<i>dull</i> apapun kalau barengannya asyik ya bakalan asyik juga. Masalahnya, teman-teman paling asyik saya nun jauh di sana. Lalu saya harus sama siapa? Ada, sih, teman yang di sini. Tapi kesibukannya beda, sehingga jadwal juga susah <i>match. </i>Belum lagi topik obrolannya yang sudah susah nyambung.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Lah. Sebenarnya, solusinya sudah kamu sebutkan sendiri, kok, Mik. </i></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I-iya juga, sih. Teman lama, kan? Justru dengan teman lama, malah makin banyak topik yang bisa dibicarakan karena<i> </i>lama nggak bertemu atau bertukar kabar. Saya nya aja yang malas, gengsi, dan enggan menghubungi duluan untuk menyusun jadwal ketemuan. Padahal, kan, menyambung silaturahmi itu salah satu bentuk ibadah.</div>
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<i>Bagus deh kalau sudah mengerti. Oh iya, satu lagi, kamu kan punya hobi. Menulis, misalnya.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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Ups. Untuk yang satu ini saya cuma bisa sembunyi dibalik tumpukan draft posting, cerpen, novel, dan draft-draft yang lainnya. Saya lupa caranya nulis! Bukannya dulu pernah bisa, sih. Tetapi apa ya, <i>passion</i>-nya itu kok, rasanya perlahan-lahan meredup. Apa karena sekarang saya sudah jarang-jarang baca buku, ya? Masih banyak buku yang belum selesai di baca di samping tempat tidur. Padahal dulu sebulan saja bisa habis berbuku-buku. Otak saya mengkerut. Huft.</div>
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<i>Nah, ternyata banyak kan yang bisa kamu lakukan biar nggak bengong di Sabtu-Minggu? Apalagi yang mau dikeluhkan?</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Hehehe. Iya. Terima kasih sudah diingatkan. Sebenarnya saya sudah tahu, tetapi berubah jadi ketidaktahuan karena ditumpuk sejuta alasan. Mengeluh itu nyaman, tetapi sama sekali tidak mendewasakan. Pada akhirnya, hanya diri sendiri yang bisa menyadarkan. Termasuk dengan monolog bodoh yang dengan pedenya saya publish di blog personal. </div>
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<i>Ah, itu kan alasanmu saja buat kejar setoran postingan.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Duh, ketahuan. Tapi saya janji akan mulai menulis lagi, meski hanya <i>flashfiction </i>bodoh dan gombal seperti biasa. Daripada bengong, kan, ya.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-65791561329806404112013-09-30T23:52:00.000+07:002013-09-30T23:52:21.979+07:00Sayonara<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sore ini, ritme hidup saya berubah drastis. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Awalnya saya adalah si bingung-mencari-kegiatan-apa-untuk-menghabiskan-waktu-tapi-nggak-menghabiskan-duit-di-kota-orang. Kemudian menjadi si kelabakan yang lempar-lempar barang, badan, dan uang yang ditukarkan selembar tiket pesawat terbang.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Pesawat berangkat pukul enam besok pagi, dan taksi sudah dipesan datang sejak pukul setengah empat. Keberangkatan terpagi saya menuju bandara.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Hei, saya akhirnya akan pulang. Dan tak seperti biasanya ketika saya pulang untuk liburan; kali ini saya pulang untuk bekerja. </div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sedihkah saya meninggalkan Jakarta? Mungkin. Atau tidak juga. Saya lebih sedih meninggalkan beberapa teman terdekat saya yang harus tetap mengadu nasib di Jakarta. Juga kehilangan tempat dan alasan untuk berkumpul bersama teman-teman dekat lain yang bekerja di kampung halamannya masing-masing. Saya akan melewatkan banyak momen. Pun meninggalkan banyak kenangan.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Tetapi tahukah kamu apa yang membuat saya lebih sedih? Ketika jarum jam semakin mendekat menuju angka dua belas dan saya sama sekali tak mengantuk. Saya bahkan ditinggal <a href="http://www.twitter.com/alatha_chan" target="_blank">Mifta</a> tidur ketika sedang asyik curhat-curhat manja. Dan yang lebih parah lagi... pakaian untuk dipakai besok dini hari yang menuntut untuk saya setrika.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Sayonara untuk jam tidur saya yang terpaksa harus digadai dan ditebus besok malam saja.</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-69754427235062302502013-07-31T23:38:00.001+07:002013-08-01T14:54:36.375+07:00After Two Years<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She had to
be punctual, even though it was more for her satisfaction as a perfectionist
than for practical reasons. She hated to
deal with the consquences, though. As for now, she sat alone on a big round
table in a family restaurant, waited for her ex-classmates from two years ago
to appear before her eyes. She knew for sure they would be late; they always
did. But she couldn't bring herself to arrive even one minute later than the
promised time because she was sure if she let herself do it once, it would
slowly become a habit. And she frightened just by the thought of it.</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She watched
the front door swinging as customers came in and out. No faces she recognized.
She checked her cellphone for time and it was already twenty five minutes since
she had sat like a fool. The waitresses kept glancing at her; a mixture of
annoyed look and sending a pity.</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Ata?"</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She turned
around and found a tall, well-built man walking toward her direction. He
smiled, and his bright eyes disappeared into thin half circles of uncolored
rainbow. She couldn't help herself. She recognized that face, she still would
even if she saw him from afar, with or without her glasses. It had been two
years--and she admitted she had changed so much since then--but some feelings
were meant to remain unchanged.</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Hi."
She instantly stood up. "Bari, long time no see."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Yeah.
Two years, if I'm not mistaken?"</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"You're
not." She smiled. "Please, sit. I have been sitting alone waiting for
you guys, but twenty five minutes went by and you're the only one showing
up."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Oh, so
you're not happy to see me here? That hurts. Maybe I should head back
home..."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Suddenly,
her pupils dilated. Did she just blow things up? "No, I'm sorry, please
just--"</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Haha,
it's okay, Ata, I'm just kidding. I'm staying with you."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And she
could not stand grinning like an idiot. Well, this was happening. Back in two
years ago, who would have thought she could hold a conversation with him longer
than two words variation of yes and no.</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Ah,
it's raining," she said. Both of their heads turned to view the window.
Outside, the rain started to pour
heavily, blurring the thick glasses of window and blocking their vision
to whatever happened in the other side of the wall. She let out a sigh.
"They're gonna be so much late."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"What a
bummer."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She glanced
beside. Somehow, there was no subtle indication of him being irritated at all. </span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">--------</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He wasn't
the kind of person who loved to come on time. He was more the type who decided
to show up only when the others were all present. He didn't know exactly why,
but maybe it had something to do with his hatred toward waiting. He thought the
amount of time he spent waiting could be used to do something much more
beneficial, and that was including some leisure time in his room watching TV or
sleeping safe and soundly.</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This time
was different. </span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He didn't
mean to make himself remember--he just did. Two years didn't rust that special
part of his brain where he subconsciously put all of his knowledge about her.
Her cute childish laugh, her blue framed nearsighted glasses, her awkwardness
when talking to guys which only accentuated her innocence even more, or that
time when she randomly blurted out about blue being her favorite color in one
truth or dare game night. And of course, one more thing about her he couldn't
just shrug off and forget was her unusual habit to always be punctual.</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The
designated time for the classmates reunion was at 7 P.M. As he thought, when he
arrived a few minutes before the promised time, she was already there securing the table. He chuckled. She was so
busy arranging the table and didn't notice he walked in to another table
behind. Initially, he wanted to approach her, but he changed his mind because
he didn't want to ruin her moment of pride being the first one to arrive before
the time.</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But watching
her from afar wasn't enough. He did it two years ago, he didn't want to repeat
it this time. He had made effort to be punctual for the sake of few more
minutes with her and he shouldn't let it be meaningless. So he stepped ahead.</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Ata?"</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And he
couldn't be more thankful to himself for taking the step. Her gloomy face that
must be tired from all the waiting brightened up instantly, and he liked to
think that it wasn't just because someone had showed up: it was because <span style="font-style: italic;">he</span> was the one who showed up. </span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Hi.
Bari, long time no see."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Yeah.
Two years, if I'm not mistaken?"</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"You're
not." She had the best kind of smile. "Please, sit. I have been
sitting alone waiting for you guys, but twenty five minutes went by and you're
the only one showing up."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Oh, so
you're not happy to see me here? That hurts. Maybe I should head back
home..."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her worried
face amuse him. He couldn't help but laughing. "Haha, it's okay, Ata, I'm
just kidding. I'm staying with you."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But her wide
grin was the one that splashed water bucket to his face. How could he just
realize it now? After two years. Two freaking years. What was he doing?</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Ah,
it's raining." She let out a sigh. "They're gonna be so much
late."</span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div lang="id" style="margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"What a
bummer."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">He didn't
care if the waitress kept eyeing them for not ordering anything, or their
friends wouldn't show up for another hour. Additional minutes to be side by
side with her was all he could ask for now.</span>Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27668324.post-9615002267170705692013-07-12T16:55:00.000+07:002013-07-13T06:01:10.336+07:00Special Snowflake SyndromeFrom <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Special%20Snowflake%20Syndrome" target="_blank">Urban Dictionary</a>:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i><i>‘Special snowflake’ syndrome, is a disease in which the subject believes that because she occupies a subculture mildly different to the mainstream, she is inherently better, and above them. The subject will never state that she is better, but it is implied, as is the belief that she is rare in her qualities, despite, in reality, being an only slightly less common cliche. </i></i></div>
<i>
</i>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Subjects suffering from this syndrome have been known to make statements such as “I’m the girl who’d rather stay home reading Harry Potter than get drunk and get sweet hooks", and will frequently act as if she is under tremendous pressure to act like a ‘typical girl,’ not realizing that ‘typical girls’ are a myth, and those she looks down upon are not what they seem.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
There are some people I know suffer from this syndrome. Heck, maybe I also suffer from one at some point. But, ehm, well, at least I'm introspecting. And that is exactly the reason why I want to raise awareness of this <strike>questionably</strike> legit mental illness, because it could turn you into an annoying person without you even realize.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So, girls (and in some cases, also boys), you're not that special just because what you do/like/hate/are is somewhat faintly different than the others. There are 6 billions people in this world; you could not be just the only one.</div>
</div>
Mikochinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02477659590640874791noreply@blogger.com0